CHANCES OF RAIN
June 14th, 2010
- High
- Very High
- Cardiac Arrest
- There IS No Rain
- Stop dancing around in the yard and put some tarp over papa’s Time Machine
Archive
Posts Tagged ‘listicle’
New Trees
February 5th, 2010
-Leafless Maple
-Purple pine
-Squid Maple
-Midget Oak
-Rubber Bush
-Money Tree
-Synthethic Muslim Pine
-Werewolf
Guys Who Aren’t in AC/DC
February 5th, 2010
-Ed Burns
-David Bowie
-Aunt Jemima
-Pavarati
-Kate Winslet’s son, Bob
-Yoyo Ma
-Yoyo Hank
-Devin Tha Dude
-Angus Young
Your High School Math Teacher’s To-Do List
January 6th, 2010
-Make word problems more boring
-Look up definition of calculus (just in case)
-Pour chalk dust all over clothing
-Eat pineapple… whole
-Multiply 188 and 3
-Pay child support
Alternate Uses for a Noose
August 19th, 2009
One must never lynch. It’s unbecoming and shows a general rot in moral character. But where does that leave the wonderfully inventive knot-cum-loop known by layman’s terms as a Noose? You don’t suggest we do away with the Noose altogether, now do you? Well, what shall we do then?
- Tiny cow lasso.
- Street skiing tether.
- Ironic hipster necklace.
- Handcuffs for Stretch Armstrong©.
- Neck hammock.
- Conversation piece.
- Halloween decoration (North).
- Decoration (South).
-Smart Means Fat
New Internet Euphemisms
July 28th, 2009
When online, people say one thing and mean something else. For example, when they write “LOL” they don’t actually mean they are “laughing out loud.” They mean “That Is Mildly Amusing, If At All” or “TIMAIAA.”
You may already know this, though. Euphemisms on the Internet, as a concept, is not new. But THESE euphemisms, on the Internet, are.
- Smart means fat.
- Active means indelibly fat.
- Thoughtful means fat with five or more pets.
- I don’t know how to rap means I love to rap.
- I like having a good time means don’t mind the meth.
- I love reading means i love harry potter
- A bit ticklish means sex freak.
- Total slut means virgin.
- Virgin means total sex freak.
- Cat lover means cat lover.
- I’m a writer means I’m unemployed.
- I’m a doctor means I’m a dentist.
- I’m a nurse means I’m an orderly.
- I’m an orderly means got any meth?
- Dabbling means overdoing it.
- Unresolved issues means molested.
- Molested means dad got boners when he hugged me.
- Clean means gay.
- He’s funny means he’s bald.
- Soldier means hero.
- Mentioning soldiers means pandering.
- In love means he beats me.
- Jewish means inadequate lover.
- Italian means adequate lover.
- Greek means adequate mustache.
- Mexican means inadequate mustache.
- Fat means honest.
-Smart Means Fat